#myredeemerstory (Testimony, 2017)
Two Sundays ago (September 17th), the congregation of Redeemer Lubbock was asked to share 3 things with the world: what life was like before Christ, what changed, and what it is like after Christ. The idea is to follow in the steps of Paul who used his testimony to show others how God uses people like you and me to bring glory to His name. Paul explains in Galatians 1:23-24 that “all they [the Christians in the churches in Judea] knew was that people were saying, ‘The one who used to persecute us [Paul] is now preaching the very faith he tried to destroy!’ And they praised God because of me [Paul].” Heart change is real and priceless. Here is my story.
What was life like before Christ? I have been blessed beyond measure for the entirety of my life. I don’t remember a time where we didn’t have food for dinner or supplies for school. My parents loved me well (they still do) and my family was and remains to be a system of support for me and my brother, Matt. I loved school and had an overwhelming desire to learn. I loved to sing, play music, and make arts and crafts. None of these things have changed. Still, something was missing. I didn’t know where to find my value. I was never, in my eyes, as pretty or thin as the other girls that I knew. I struggled to like myself on the outside and I blamed my shortcomings on my inability to change that. Grades were never an issue, but they were letters on a paper, not a tattoo on my forehead. Sports were fun and challenging, but I wasn’t going to be able to make a career out of it. Like any other middle schooler, I wanted to feel like I belonged & that I was able to make a difference in the lives of others. If you hear nothing else, hear this: at thirteen I was worried that, because I didn’t have my life figured out, I wouldn’t ever belong to anyone or anything. Thirteen. I don’t know if you ever truly “figure life out,” but if you do, I highly doubt that it happens at thirteen. Nevertheless, I felt like I was drifting through life doing all of the things expected of me and that none of it mattered. This sounds dramatic, but I can assure that middle school/intermediate school was a rough time to feel purposeless. There is no good time to feel empty, mind you. I wasn’t sure if I believed in God and certainly wasn’t sure of whether or not He loved me.
What changed? My bus buddy, Shara Mullenix (#shoutout), invited me to her Brazos Pointe Fellowship small group for 7th-grade girls. I had no idea what a small group was and I was definitely prepared for it to flip my world on its head in the best possible way. I went to one on a Wednesday evening (eagerly, because she said there were snacks) and listened to the group discuss what it’s like to have friendships that are truly good. My mind was blown– they used scriptures from the Bible to describe what it looks like to be a good friend and it made sense. Although I attended church for the beginning of my early childhood, it never felt like it applied to me. It was as if I was seeing the scripture as it was intended to be seen for the first time. Long story short, I became a regular attendee at the small group and slowly watched the truth unfold through scriptures, prayer, and the encouragement of my small group leaders. I felt like I was wanted and like I belonged. I learned that I didn’t have to seek out my value in things of this world because God made me “fearfully and wonderfully” (Psalm 139:14) and it wasn’t my job to prove myself to others. I was baptized going into my freshman year on September 9th, 2012 (picture below) and started what I believe to be my “abundant life,” the one that you live to the fullest. I had many small group leaders over the years (Jamie Hutto, Lauren Waguespack, Amanda Reich, Dominique Aldridge, Jennifer Watson, and Meagan Gimber) who helped me grow and challenged me to be bold– I will never be able to thank them for the investment they made in me.
What is life like after Christ? It’s not easy to start over. I had to make a lot of changes and still experience doubt, anxiety, and fear in crushing waves today. The difference is that I now have somewhere to turn and I know that God will “strengthen, help, and uphold” (Isaiah 41:10) me. As someone who likes to know exactly what will happen when and for everything to be in its correctly labeled, color-coded, alphabetized file, it has been a continuing lesson in patience and trust. My man C.S. Lewis said it best: “Courage, dear heart.” I get to sit back and watch the Creator of the universe do His thing– it’s like having the front row seat at the theater and not knowing yet that it will be your favorite movie of all time. He holds all things together and still bends down to listen. It’s not an easier life, per se, but it is one that is far better than I could ever imagine on my own. Thank you, God, that I get to count it all joy.
#myredeemerstory
If you have any questions about any of this, feel free to contact me!
Best wishes– Sydney
merakisydney.wordpress.com 