The Timeliness and Applicability of Brené Brown’s ‘Braving the Wilderness’

If you’ve ever asked me what some of my favorite quotes are, I’ve probably scattered in at least one Brené Brown one. She has a way of making her words sound like she meant them just for you. In one of her most recent publications, ‘Braving the Wilderness,’ she documents her research on “the quest of true belonging and the courage to stand alone.” Ladies and gentlemen, you bet she did it again– Brené speaks to the most vulnerable part of our hearts where our desire to belong lies and where our fears of being lonely take root. I won’t even attempt to unpack this because you should just read the book (it’s excellent)– BUT, here’s one major takeaway that we could all use:

People are hard to hate close up. Move in. 

In the current political climate, we are seeing so much division and hatred that it seems like maybe the damage is irreparable. Those who pick a side or even end up somewhere on the fence do not see people who believe differently than they do as humans. Brené notes that this “dehumanization is a process. As we take sides, lose trust, and get angrier and angrier, we not only solidify an idea of our enemy, but also start to lose our ability to listen, communicate, and practice even a modicum of empathy” (pg. 72). For me, this looks like being angry at those who choose to vote for or against certain policies and officials, those who choose to stay silent when they know that something is not right, and when one person chooses not to empathize with another because it would involve admitting that they are somehow connected. I’m guilty of dehumanizing those that I don’t agree with. Brené offers a solution to this problem:

“Dehumanizing and holding people accountable are mutually exclusive. Humiliation and dehumanizing are not accountability or social justice tools, they’re emotional off-loading at best, emotional self-indulgence at worst” (pg. 76). We must ask “‘what is the conversation about, and what is it really about?’ The intention is the deepest-level reason why the topic is so important to the person… [In a conflict,] speaking our intention does not mean that we will suddenly have the same preferences or opinions [as the other party], but it often helps us navigate difficult conversations and maintain or build connection by actually understanding each other’s motives and interests more closely” (pg. 80-81).

What does all of this mean?

We can look for the common threads that hold us together with people that we may initially think are quite different from us and use them to facilitate meaningful conversation. We can choose to speak up when we know that something is wrong and provide reasons that apply to the protection of all people involved. We don’t have to choose to fit into a group (of any kind) and go with the flow without questioning things– we owe it to ourselves and those who belong to other groups, parties, and demographics to move in close and cling to empathy. We must stop dehumanizing one another and start listening more closely to build understanding and make change. We must brave the wilderness– “choose courage over comfort”– to make connections that would be much easier to ignore than establish. We must look at those with whom we disagree with on the surface and get uncomfortably close so that we can see our fundamental similarities and rebuild a collaborative resolution.

Now is not the time to stand aside and let hatred thrive. It is time to speak out against injustice while leaning into conversation with those that we don’t initially understand.

As Brené so eloquently puts…

“There will be times when standing alone feels too hard, too scary, and we’ll doubt our ability to make our way through the uncertainty. Someone, somewhere, will say, ‘Don’t do it. You don’t have what it takes to survive the wilderness.’ This is when you reach deep into your wild heart and remind yourself, ‘I am the wilderness'” (pg. 163).